As a child, I learned to dissociate through the abuse. Leaving my body to avoid having to deal with all the horror of the moments that seemed to stretch on forever.
So I was inclined to mentally remove myself from reality even during non-abusive moments.
But luckily, I had learned to read at an early age and fell in love with stories. Heck, my first show-and-tell in kindergarten was to read “The White Kitten” to the class!
I discovered that I could get lost in books about animals and adventures. I discovered children who were lonely and outsiders like me that overcame their challenges through grit, determination, and imagination.
Although I did not know it, I was internalizing all the positive lessons of the books, absorbing lessons that would help me see myself in a different way. Underneath all the shame was a core who would not give up and would not let someone else destroy the creative and delightful child I truly was.
Reading so much also motivated me to write. Way back in elementary school I was writing short stories, poems, and doing book reports. Some of it was for school but a lot of it was just for my own enjoyment and expression.
I can understand now how important that ability to lose myself in other worlds actually contributed to my resilience to get me through the abuse and spark the creativity that would be a crucial skill for my journey to thriving.
